Life Goes On

I am going through a painful time right now. So far, only mike@mike and Daosapao are aware of it besides my family and his mom. Gawd…why did we ever have to go through all this when at the end things are not turning out fine and of what we wanted and expected? Its really hard when the heart is released and you know that it has been crushed and squashed all over. Its more harder to mend the heart back to its original being before it got all crushed up. Yes it will take some time but mending a crushed heart is not easy and once you mend it up, you’re afraid of getting it crush and squash again.

Well, for once, my blog is sad this time. My intentions of setting this blog up is to blog about good, nice and wonderful things around me and happening to me. But somehow tonight I felt sorrowful. I decided to blog whatever I have inside me and make me feel better. I am indeed a strong person but at times when things really upset me, I will crumbled and fall. When I get hold of myself and smack myself back to reality, I will pull myself up and fight it bit by bit.

Over this period of time, many things has happened what with the transition of the shoe house, chaos and politics happening in the shoe house, stupid stuff done by Butcher, taking a step further of leaving the shoe house, my favorite shoe laces – siilygui left, follow by mike@mike and now left Daosapao and BahBah. And now this painful chapter has erupted into my life. Of course, though it’s a short stint, nevertheless, feelings has grown, time and efforts has put in. To leave it, I am not willing to but decided this is a decision and not a choice that I really have to make and I don’t wanna have the people around me that I love and love me getting affected. I cannot be selfish to an extend of only thinking about myself. I also gotta pull myself back on track and most importantly, be happy again.

I realized I really need to get out of this rut asap. I cannot afford to pull myself down anymore. I have another new chapter in life in my new shoe house which I am looking forward to it. I believed the best is yet to come and I will not simply give my mending heart away anymore. Will guard it ferociously until I am very sure I will not get the heart crush and only will I allow it to grow and expand freely. Right now, I am not ready to trust another heart.

Ok give me some time. I will be back soon being the bubbly, clumsy and fun-loving CiCi. So in the middle of the night while blogging my sorrows away, strange enough I could feel a sense of inner peace and surprisingly, I don’t feel regretted that I called it quits myself. Even my momma said its good riddance, bad rubbish and not worth the trouble and time to be there for him. Even mike@mike said that. Even Daosapao said its his loss, not yours. I really wanna thanked you guys for being there for me in times of this painful period. I don’t need a crowd, you guys being there for me (including my momma) is good enough already. Truly appreciated. Don’t worry, CiCi will be back to her old self again. Give time and all’s well.

These are some few inspirational quotes (which help me feel better) that I came across and I wanna share it with you guys and when in times of troubles and stormy weather, you might find its good for the soul :

“Whether joy or sorrowful, the heart needs a double, because a joy shared is doubled and a pain that is shared is divided.”

“When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery”.

"The hardest thing you can do is smile when you are ill, in pain, or depressed. But this is no-cost remedy is necessary first half-step if you are to start on the road to recovery".

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

“You don't have to control your thoughts; you just have to stop letting them control you."

"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness."

"Whenever someone sorrows, I do not say, "forget it," or "it will pass," or "it could be worse" -- all of which deny the integrity of the painful experience. But I say, to the contrary, "It is worse than you may allow yourself to think. Delve into the depth. Stay with the feeling. Think of it as a precious source of knowledge and guidance. Then and only then will you be ready to face it and be transformed in the process."

"Many of us spend our whole lives running from feeling with the mistaken belief that you cannot bear the pain. But you have already borne the pain. What you have not done is feel all you are beyond that pain."

"Take the first step, no more, no less, and the next will be revealed."

“After all these years, I am still involved in the process of self-discovery. It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life."

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Muaks muaks!